Uncertainty and the meme that no one shares

It is hard to stay grounded and present when you feel like there is no floor to stand on.

Uncertainty.

An interesting concept.

Especially for one in their mid-twenties.

All of the most popular books now are all about persons who go off and abandon their lives to go hike a mountain or some crap like that. One of the most popular phrases  of 2016 is “Wanderlust” which means: the love of wandering, of losing yourself, of not following a plan. We live in an era of hipsters in VW vans, road trips and travelling being thrown in our faces; seen as a “you have to do this before you settle down” type thing.

Hell. I so wish I was one of those people. Who could leave their lives for a period of time and go hike a mountain or some crap like that. Oh wait – I did that.

The thing that no-one talks about though; the thing that doesn’t seem as nice on a Insta meme, is that you have to eventually come back. And that, my friends, is less glorified.

Because it is hard.

It means you have to figure out a way to pay bills when money is tight, when your hours at work got cut. It means you pick up a second job which still won’t make up for what you lost.   It means that groceries come before a movie night out with friends. It means that your weekends, may not belong to you anymore. It means that the money you saved for that trip you really wanted to go on, is now your survival fund if crap really hits the fan. It means that your primary focus, is job searching and hoping for an interview – even though you know that 500 other people applied for that same job.

How is it that I felt more grounded and safe, when I was hiking in the middle of the mountains in Peru, then when I am in my home, in my own country?

So much has changed in the last year – in the last two months.

Uncertainty.

An interesting concept.

For someone, who hates being uncertain.

Throughout all of this – there is something beautiful.

I am learning a new skill.

The skill of being OK, with being uncertain.

It is hard. It is terrifying.

It feels much different, than the uncertainty I felt at 14, on the streets on my own.

Because this time, the uncertainty has come surrounded by love. Of friends, of family and of a partner.

I am learning the skill of day by day all over.

The skill of planning for the future in ways that I can, and understanding to let  go of the things I cannot control.

After all, what is the point in worrying about uncertainty – you would not know what you are worrying about for certain.

Uncertainty.

An interesting concept.

But one I am re-learning until life returns to being certain.

And until it becomes uncertain again.

Photo source:  http://cn.forwallpaper.com/wallpaper/girl-open-flowers-petals-falling-124459.html

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