I remember the first time I changed offices at work.
I got grumpy and anxious and frustrated that the space around me was becoming unraveled. I was moving from my office roommate, whom I had built a strong relationship with and I needed to take down all those photos I had just put up. I was going to move from the little corner that hid me away from the early morning chatter and I would need to move my little bamboo from that perfect window.
I hate(d) change. I had moved approximately seven times before the age of 16. I couch surfed for a year and was always switching schools. Change meant my life was going to get chaotic. Change meant that whatever was coming next, wouldn’t last long because another change would come after that.
As an adult, I began priding myself on making any space mine. It did not matter how big or small that space was, whether it was a locker, a desk, an office or a room. I would bring my own individuality into it. Every time I made something my own – especially an environment – I always thought to myself “This is it. This is now my space for the long haul”. Until it wasn’t.
Until I switched schools. Until I switched lockers. Until I switched friends. Until I switched classes. Until I switched bedrooms. Until I switched homes. Until I switched families. Until I switched lives. Until I finally had some stability in my life and stayed in one place for 5 years in my early twenties.
Well by then, my brain had no idea how to stay in one place.
It then became just as scary and frustrating for me to stay in one place, as it was when I was moving all the time. I began struggling with feeling bored of my more stable living environment, more stable relationship and more stable life. Naturally, I began resorting back to the patterns I knew. I would leave. I would run to change. I would create the unraveling I had grown up hating.
I heard a song today by Passenger, which lyrics said “I don’t know where I’m running, but running is what I know how to do, because it is what I have been doing”. This touched my heart – words never spoke truer.
Today my office changed again.
But, it was different this time.
I wasn’t frustrated, I wasn’t anxious, I wasn’t overly attached to the spot I was at before.
Because over the last year, I have grown to appreciate change in moderation.
Too much change, can create chaos and instability in ones life. Too little change, can keep a person stuck in a cycle of routine, preventing them from growing as individuals. It is about finding the balance between the two. It is about understanding that changing offices, does not mean your world is unraveling. It means you are moving to a new desk, with a new window. It just means, you are moving offices. And who knows – maybe your bamboo will like this window better.
The only constant thing in life, is change.